Friday, March 19, 2010

Granting Myself Permission

Where did I get the idea that you can only have one BIG dream per lifetime? Who or what put that limiting thought in my head and heart? I think I'd like to dismantle it and send it on its way. No, I KNOW I'd like to do that.

For the past two and a half years I have been letting a dream unfold in my life. A dream that I didn't even know I had. I started belly dancing more than 10 years ago. In fits and starts. I thought I'd NEVER get anywhere with it. I'd always be a novice beginner. But Spirit had different plans. Thank you!

The path in a really quick recap: someone moved to my area offering classes, she started a troupe and invited me to join, she moved, troupe fell apart, no direction, got frustrated, someone planted the seed that I teach, HA! Big pause.

NO way. "I'm not worthy." So my inner critic deemed.

Somehow, somewhere, I pushed through. The recap continues: I offered a class. Women came. I started a troupe. More classes. A studio space. Organized events. Opened a store. And it's not done, I know there's more.

But. I still have a day job. It's not big enough to support me. Will it ever? Can I let go and trust. Okay. I will. I am. But.

But, what if that's not enough? What if I still have other dreams?

"What? Awfully greedy aren't we? You want MORE? Come on. Isn't this more than you could have ever dreamed of in the first place?"

And my intuition, my heart, my soul, says most definitely, "YES, I deserve more!"

Really? No way! This I have a hard time believing.

So for today, I am granting myself permission. Here's what I grant:

I, Tracy Carlton, have permission to have more than one dream. And those dreams can be EVEN bigger!

Right on!

If you haven't signed up for Mondo Beyondo yet, what's stopping you? OMG! This course is knocking my socks off! Thank you Andrea and Jen!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


In our culture death has got a bad rap. We are quite afraid of it. But death is also transformation. Perhaps a more difficult transformation for those that are still here, but a transformation nonetheless.

Death has visited our little hollow this week. Something ~ we still haven't found out what it is ~ died. There has been a nonstop gathering of Ravens and Turkey Vultures in the trees. Squawking. Swooping. Cawing. Staring. Snacking. We've seen bits of bright red blobs here and there, but whatever it is they are feasting on, remains unknown for now.

The latin name for Turkey Vulture is Cathartes aura. Cathartes is Latinized from Greek and means "purifier," aura is Latinized from the Native Mexican word for the bird, auroura. It is often translated as Golden Transformer.

If we choose to look at death not as an ending, but as transformation, which many cultures around the globe have done in the past, and others still do today, we can see the gift that awaits.

My life is in the middle of transforming right now. Maybe not on a tangible level, but on a deeper, more soulful level (which leads to the tangible I believe). That I have had the presence of death outside my home this past week is reminding me that from death comes birth. The great cycle of life. Doors may be closing, yet others are opening.

Angels Calling

A few days ago my phone rang.
When I answered it there was the most beautiful harp music.
And that's all.
And after a few moments, they hung up.
I have decided it was an Angel calling me.
Letting me know that everything is all right.
That she is watching over me.
All is good.
And this, is such a nice feeling.
I'm going with it.
Any miracles in your world recently?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Open and Ready

At the beginning of this year I was introduced to a blog of a very creative and beautiful soul. Her blog led me to a couple other highly creative individuals. And then to another person that is creative and says YES to life. And it turns out that all of these fabulous women knew each other. Then I realized, oh my gosh, I went to high school with one of them! I love this. I am a firm believer in synchronicity. I felt drawn in. Connected somehow on some level. And I'm okay with not knowing what it all means. Just sitting with it. But I knew I was tapping into something deep within.

I have been moved and inspired and opened up by each and every one of them. Through their words and images they have offered me examples~permission~the go-ahead to move toward my dreams. I am taking an online course right now, offered by two of these remarkable women, that has split me in two. And rather than feeling torn apart, some magnificent treasures have emerged from the very center of my being. It's awesome. Giving myself the space to dream VERY big has already gifted me with results, who would have thunk it? And we're only just starting week two!

When first discovering their projects, blogs and websites I was especially drawn to Jen Lemen's Picture Hope. I poured over the photos, the words, the history. I found myself in tears. Why? Why such a strong reaction? Was it the lives, the challenges, the beauty of her friends' stories? Or was it her journey, her experiences, the images she's shared? Yes, it was all of those things. But I knew, deep down, on a different level, it wasn't about the people I was learning about, or the story that was unfolding in her life. No, when I sat with it, I knew. Africa was calling me. Somehow. In some way.

I have been to Africa twice in my life, during my 20's, both times through a friend that was living there, in different places, in different jobs. The first time she was a peace corps volunteer in Kenya, and I spent six glorious weeks in Kenya and Tanzania. I am sure I learned more about myself during that time than anything else on that journey. The second time was when she and her husband were in the diplomatic corps in Senegal and I spent four weeks discovering many parts of the country and even helping in an official evacuation of Liberia. I had my world turned upside down both times. Filled up. Fabulous. And Grateful.

But that was quite a few years ago. And yet, when I look over the past 15 years or so, I see there were other times where, if I had been paying attention, Africa has been knocking on my heart.

So here I am. With my Mondo-Beyondo-Dream-Big List, and Africa was the first thing that went on it. Without a doubt. Without knowing why. I don't know what it means. And I don't know what part of Africa, which country. And I don't know how. But it's there. For some reason, it has to be there.

I have been learning, s-l-o-w-l-y, that when you are on your *path*, when you are in your groove, when you are doing exactly what you were put on this Earth to do, the Universe~Spirit~God delivers exactly what you need to continue. If only we pay attention!

And so I'm paying attention! Last week at work, right next to my box of tea, was a Dixie cup with Diego (of Diego and Dora fame, if you have children this makes sense to you), and the cup had Diego and his African Adventure. Hah! That cup now sits on my desk. Permission to remember that something is calling to me and to be open to it.

Then, yesterday, too wild! From the mail, THIS was sitting on the kitchen table, a thank you postcard from a dear friend, who lives just over the hill from me:

Okay. Yes. I'm awake. I'm paying attention. I am Open. And ready!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Running is something that comes and goes in my life. I haven't run in over 5 years, since before my son was born. This past year I've taken up walking. It feels okay. I am not totally inspired. But I am moving.

A couple weeks ago on my walk I actually jogged for about 5oo feet. Wow. I didn't think I could do it. Sure, I was panting and wheezing, but I did it! Then, I did it 2 more times that week. Accomplishment!

That very same week my dearest friend in the whole world sent me an email titled *Walging* a word she coined that combines walking and jogging. An activity she described as jogging a very short distance until the gasping for air and pain in ones legs forces you walk. When breathing returns to normal then one tries jogging again, if even for only a very short distance.

And here we were doing the very same thing, at the exact same time. I love being in sync like that!

Today, what is just so exciting, is that I actually jogged almost the whole way!!! Yay for me! And not only that, I RAN! Ever since I wheezed my way through my first cross country race at age 14, I've always loved the last 100 yards or so, when I know I'm almost there, that the journey has been hard, that it's all down hill from here, I can pick up my feet, let them go and run, FAST!

It's like flying. It's a high. I love it.

And so this is perfect for how I feel at this point in my life. I have been going slow and steady with lots of starts and stops towards my dreams. And today, here and now, I feel, I am not only moving at a steady pace toward them, I am RUNNING, I am FLYING to them.

It's awesome.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Small Acts

I am on only day 3 of my Mondo Beyondo course, LOVING it!
Small acts during your day make all the difference.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Dreaming BIG!

This year is my word is Surrender.

I chose it {it chose me?} because I'm usually an uber-planner. This year seemed like a good year to let go of the usual goals and preconceived ideas about who I should be or what I should be doing. This year I am open to the magic of the Universe. I am paying attention and trying out new things. I am still discerning, but experimenting with new directions too.

And in the few short months that is this year, I kept coming across this Mondo Beyondo online course. Again and again, in different blogs, on Facebook... there it was again. Okay. I'm paying attention! I signed up!!

Mondo Beyondo is all about dreaming BIG, going beyond the small dreams, allowing for the huge dreams to come through, and then pursuing them.

Sounds like planning and goals a little bit. And yes, it is. But! These are not the everyday life practical goals {though they can be}. This is the chance to embrace and move towards what I never thought possible before.

I'm so excited! I start tomorrow. They still have space, sign up here.

I plan on sharing what I'm doing here, as a way of daring myself to follow-through.

Here we go...!!!